Skip Cuisine

🥖 Loaves & Wishes Bruschetta

Serves: the whole fellowship · Prep: 10 mins · Source bin: Bakery skip (Tier IV)

Day-old sourdough, revived by the laying on of hands (and a hot oven), topped with cosmetically humbled tomatoes from the greengrocer bin.

1. Take thy binned sourdough. It is not stale; it is rustic.
2. Slice, drizzle with the olive oil Brother Dave found (sealed, miraculous, 2 litres).
3. Top with chopped wonky tomatoes. They were rejected for their shape. We do not reject. We season.
4. Give thanks to the big Tesco, from whence all blessings flow.

🍌 Banana Bread of the Covenant

Serves: 8 · Prep: 15 mins + baking · Source bin: Greengrocer (Tier V)

The supermarket casts out the spotty banana. But we know the truth: the spotty banana is the ONLY acceptable banana for banana bread. They are literally throwing away pre-ripened baking ingredients.

1. Gather ye brown bananas while ye may. The browner the holier.
2. Mash with conviction.
3. Combine with flour (dented bag, structurally fine), sugar, and eggs of known provenance.
4. Bake until the smell converts a passing sceptic.

🧀 The Miracle Cheese Board

Serves: 2-12 depending on greed · Prep: none, it's cheese · Source bin: Dairy Miracle (Tier III)

Assembled entirely from sealed cheeses liberated on the eve of their best-before dates. Cheese is just milk that has already had something happen to it — what's the worst that can happen to it now? (Note from the Elders: several things. Sniff first.)

• One (1) wheel of brie, the famous one, Brother Geoff still talks about it
• Assorted cheddars of the yellow sticker diaspora
• Crackers from the dented-box section of the bin (the box protects the cracker; this is divine design)

🍜 Wheelie Bin Minestrone (a.k.a. "Whatever-soup")

Serves: all who hunger · Prep: 40 mins · Source bin: All of them. Every bin. A pilgrimage.

The sacred soup of the fellowship. There is no recipe. There is only the haul.

1. Empty the night's haul onto the table.
2. Remove anything that violates Commandment IX (the prawns, Geoff, put down the prawns).
3. Chop everything vegetable-shaped. Simmer in stock.
4. Whatever happens, call it minestrone. The Italians cannot stop us; they don't know where we live.

🎂 The Full Manifestation (ceremonial)

Serves: a congregation · Prep: weeping · Source bin: Tier I, once a generation

An entire undamaged celebration cake, found whole. There is no recipe. You do not cook the Full Manifestation. You witness it. You eat it with the reverence it deserves, directly with forks, standing around it in a circle, possibly singing.